Traffic Trouble
by Rosie2009
Summary: It's all Evie's fault. Mal's sure of it. Or, from an outside perspective, Mal is caught in traffic trying to take her most favorite people on a "fun" trip to the mall that just happened to be Evie's idea. Sisterly/best friend feels and barely implied Ben/Mal as well as just general familial bonds.


"One more second of this, and I swear I will murder everyone in this car. That is no joke," Mal threatened, clenching the steering wheel with her hands until her knuckles were turning even whiter than usual.

"I can't help it, he started it!" Carlos whined as he tried to fend off Jay's freshly-licked finger from his ear. Jay just laughed evilly as he leaned over Ben to reach Carlos.

"I don't give a crap who started it, I'm gonna finish it if you two don't zip it!" the purple-haired girl turned and pointed angrily at Jay and Carlos, her eyes glowing green.

They hesitantly brought their antics to a stop and turned to look out their windows grumpily.

Currently, Mal was forced to drive five nutcases to the mall for a day of "fun." Which, naturally, was all Evie's fault.

Evie herself was sitting in the passenger seat nearby Mal, mostly keeping her eyes on her hands or upon the buildings outside of her window. Occasionally she'd try to initiate a normal, civil conversation with Mal and the boys, but they'd end up arguing or teasing each other relentlessly about something, which immediately made Mal want to slap them. If they managed to accidentally insult Evie, she'd start yelling at them and Mal would start yelling and her head just hurt from all of this drama.

Ben was quite possibly the best to deal with of all of them. He hadn't said a word. Of course, he was the one that was asleep in the backseat between Beevis and Butthead.

Mal edged the car forward as a car in front of her moved incrementally. Mal groaned, shaking her head and sitting her head on the steering wheel in exasperation.

"Why don't we play a game?" Evie suddenly suggested, and Mal turned her head over on the flat surface her face was currently pressed against to look at the bluenette.

"I've got a great one. Let's try the silent game," Mal told her, a sickeningly sweet smile gracing her features.

"What about one that somebody could actually win?" Evie gently recommended as she awkwardly glanced at the boys, trying to subtly hint to Mal that she was trying to distract them. Mal huffed, shaking her head a bit in response.

"Ooh, I got one! I Spy," Evie grinned widely, looking at Mal with unbridled excitement. Mal just rolled her eyes and turned her head back to the traffic in front of her with her eyes barely peeking above the steering wheel.

"Okay, I spy with my pus-filled eye…"

"Kill me now."

"Something blue," Evie finished, a falsely cheery smile upon her face as she tried to be positive. Mal just sighed heavily, rolling her eyes in an ultimate display of her disinterest.

"The sky."

"What?! How'd you guess? Okay, Mal, your turn to spy!" Evie encouraged, shaking Mal's shoulder enthusiastically.

"Just got my learner's permit. This is definitely not how I imagined one of my first drives going," Mal complained and moved to lean back against her seat restlessly. "Jay, why didn't you drive, again?" she questioned, angling her head slightly in Jay's direction.

"I thought you could use the practice. I didn't expect things to be like this!" he defended himself as he gestured at the mess of cars all around them.

"Mal, what do you spy?" Evie suddenly piped up, presumably trying to distract Mal from a potential revival of the arguing.

"I spy with my pus-filled eye something that makes entirely too much noise. Hint: it's sitting beside me," Mal sarcastically told her. Evie pursed her lips in a pout that resembled that of a little toddler.

"I was just trying to cheer you guys up," Evie complained, giving her a sad expression with her soft brown eyes adding to the sullen look. Mal mostly ignored her, placing her hands on the wheel again as she moved up in the lineup of vehicles once again.

They moved just enough to get her hopes up and as soon as she started feeling some semblance of optimism surrounding the situation, the ugly, little baby blue car immediately stopped.

Mal was strongly feeling the urge to do things to the people ahead of her that certainly were not considered anywhere near socially acceptable.

"Any other suggestions for a game?" Jay questioned suddenly. Mal rolled her eyes and groaned.

"Not you, too!"

"Hey, I'm bored, so what the heck?" Mal watched him shrug in the backseat in her rearview mirror.

"Ooh, I got another one! What about truth or dare?" Evie grinned, the promise of another game lifting her spirits considerably. At least there was three people that hadn't agreed to their whole truth or dare idea.

Yes, she was counting an asleep Ben in her vote.

"That sounds cool," Carlos chose to rise to the occasion and Mal growled lowly, knowing she was officially outnumbered.

"Jay, you pick first," Evie pointed at him with a considerably more enthralled expression. He leaned toward the two of them, placing his elbows on the console between the two girls.

"Okay… Truth or dare…. Mal?"

Honestly, was everyone out to make her the happiest horse's rear end this side of the nuthouse?

"Dare," Mal conceded finally, deciding to go along with their ridiculous game just long enough to get some well-deserved revenge. Evie was pitifully thrilled, and Jay even looked a little pathetically pleased with her sudden compliance.

"I dare you to paint Evie's red lipstick all over your face like warpaint," Jay challenged, falling back into his seat with a wide grin.

Mal groaned and opened up her palm toward Evie. The bluenette carefully placed the lipstick in the green-eyed girl's hand.

She removed the cap and wiped a long trail from her hairline extending to her chin and crossing through her left eyebrow. Carlos starting whooping as soon as she put the red tip to her skin, but she kept a dead serious expression on her face the entire time she was applying it.

Mal repeated the process on the other side and then ran a strand from the center of her hairline, down the bridge of her nose, through the middle of her lips, and finally down the center of her chin where she connected the lines she had made.

Turning her face to Evie, she offered the lipstick to her.

Evie's eyes widened as she covered her mouth with a hand in a desperate attempt to hold back the laughter, finally having a head-on view of the disastrously-smeared lipstick as she took the container from Mal.

"Laugh it up, Princess, you won't think it's funny for much longer. Truth or dare, E?" Mal asked, smiling wickedly at the bewildered look on Evie's face.

"Umm…" Evie thought for a moment, and after a little while, she laughed. "Oh, gosh, there's no good option."

"I can pick one for you."

"That's okay. I think I'm going to go with… dare."

"Aww, man. I had all kinds of fun little things to ask you. Like the things I hear you saying to yourself when you're staring in the mirror for a bit too long-ow!" Evie slapped her arm and glared at her.

"Shut up!" she harshly whispered, narrowing her eyes and glancing back at the boys.

"What does she say?" Carlos questioned eagerly, leaning up close.

"No idea. Why don't you ask her if she ever makes the mistake of picking truth?" Mal suggested, throwing a positively evil smile in Evie's direction. She noticed that the cars were beginning to move forward once again, and she lightly let off the brake so she'd coast behind them in succession.

To her intense disappointment, they once again stopped more quickly than she would've liked.

"But anyways, Evie, I dare you to let Carlos give you a wet willy. And you can't jerk away immediately. You have to stay still for five seconds," Mal announced to the taller girl sitting nearby her.

Evie's jaw fell slack and Carlos eagerly jumped at the opportunity to give an unresisting Evie a wet willy. He immediately proceeded to lick his finger and lean toward her.

Mal almost laughed when she saw Evie practically turn inside out at the feel of the wet, spit-covered finger in her ear. When he twisted his finger a bit, she was sure Evie was going to scream.

After precisely five seconds, Evie jumped all the way over against her window in an attempt to get away as she wiped furiously at her ear. Mal couldn't help but chuckle at her, even though Mal knew that she was definitely not enjoying herself in any way.

"Ugh! You are so gross, Mal!" After she was finally satisfied with her ear's dryness, Evie pointed in Carlos' direction. "Carlos, truth or dare?"

"Truth. I've got nothing to hide," he told them, shrugging his shoulders. Evie thought for a moment and then her face lit up with an evil grin that reminded Mal of the good old days as she fondly referred to them.

"What is your favorite food?" Carlos flushed red and looked away immediately.

But Evie was relentless.

"Hey, don't lie about it. I know the answer and if you do lie, I'll tell everybody myself." After a few moments more of hesitation and silence, Carlos eventually spoke up.

"I like salad with a cherry and just a dash of ranch dressing," Carlos mumbled. Jay laughed and Mal chuckled a bit.

"Seriously? That's such a girly food to like, man," Jay teased, punching his arm playfully, but Mal could tell he was mostly joking.

"Aww, but it's sweet! I can appreciate a guy with more refined tastes!" Evie smiled kindly, reaching over the back of her seat and ruffling his hair. Carlos waved her hand away and he moved backwards to evade her.

"It's certainly better than that raw meat you like to eat," Evie added disgustedly, looking at Jay.

"It's called medium rare. And it's the best stuff you'll ever put in your mouth," Jay explained, grinning slyly as Evie almost seemed like she would gag.

Mal took in a breath, about to say something, and was immediately interrupted when the car behind her honked offensively loudly.

She turned and looked behind her, glaring through the back window behind Ben's head.

"Woah, woah, woah, Mal, don't react. Don't react," Jay warned, and Evie placed a comforting hand on the girl's arm. Her eyes burning a bright flame of green, Mal was strongly resisting the urge that screamed at her to leap out of the car and fight whoever was in the car behind her.

"Don't worry, you guys, I got just the thing!"

Then, before Mal could actually act on her overwhelming impulses, Carlos had popped some CD in the car and there was some kind of weird music starting to play. Mal turned her head slowly to face the disc slot as an almost reggae-sounding music emitted from it.

"What… Is that?"

"Don't worry, be happy," Carlos sang, starting to dance in the backseat. After a moment of hesitation, Evie nodded her head a bit, contemplating the sound of the music.

"It's really not too bad. It's not my kind of music, but it's got a good message," Evie admitted as she began to move along with the beat. Mal's jaw stiffened in irritation and she repositioned her hands on the steering wheel, looking around as she considered a certain idea that had just popped into her head.

"How far does this traffic stretch anyway?" Jay questioned, raising up a little in his seat and trying to look above all the cars in front of them. Mal decided that she'd follow through on her idea.

"I don't know, but I'm about to find out," the purple-haired girl informed them, unbuckling and opening the door.

There were varying cries of protest as she exited the car. Mal hurried to the back of the vehicle and stepped up onto the back of it, clambering to the roof.

Once she had firmly gained her footing on the top of the car, she stood up slowly, looking ahead. The sight that she beheld before her filled her with such relief and irritation that she almost screamed aloud in a pure expression of her confused emotions.

They were so extremely close to the entrance to the mall's parking lot, but so far. The traffic was barely moving, and she was really wishing that she still had her spell book.

She quickly spied the cause of the traffic jam. Some dumb person dressed in a gorilla suit advertising for a nearby store was making a scene in front of all the cars, keeping them from progressing any further in the road.

With a groan of pure irritation, Mal hopped down from the roof of the car and landed on the ground gracefully. She opened the door quickly and slid into her seat, re-buckling.

"What in the world were you doing?!" Evie exclaimed, her eyes wide as she gaped at the shorter girl. Mal huffed and raised an eyebrow as she began slamming the horn as hard as she could.

Mal honked it several times, ensuring that everyone had heard the car and then she rolled down the window, leaning out of it.

"Listen up, Monkey Boy! Get your butt out of the road or I'm coming to get you out of it myself!" Mal shouted loudly. She slid back into her seat and waited for a moment, expectant of the change that was surely about to occur with the traffic situation.

After a moment, the traffic began to edge forward, speeding up and Mal gently pressed the gas pedal accordingly. No one in the car spoke a word.

It wasn't very long at all before they arrived in the parking lot and Mal selected a parking space carefully. After all, parking was a bit of a challenge since she was new to driving.

As soon as they were stopped, Mal let out a calming breath, looking at everyone with a wide smirk.

"That was… incredible," Evie chuckled, smiling a bit as she gazed at Mal with an admiring expression.

"Certainly not something I've ever seen," Carlos added, laughing and glancing at Jay with a grin.

"I thought you'd lost your mind," Jay admitted with a shrug.

Suddenly, Ben stirred, opening his eyes and waking with a start. He looked at all the faces around him with a dazed expression and then locked his gaze upon Mal's. Mal could practically see the gears turning in his head as he gazed at her, seeming completely puzzled.

"Why is your face painted red?" Ben finally asked.

And poor Ben never got a response because of all the laughter that immediately ensued.


End file.
